


Zombie Land Saga drabbles

by KB9VCN



Category: Zombieland Saga (Anime)
Genre: Drabble Collection, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2019-11-07 21:59:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17968817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: Published 1-Mar-2019; humor; 100 words.For the31_days"Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice" prompt.This contains slapstick violence.  Reader discretion is advised.





	1. Number One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Mar-2019; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3395746.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Kotaro and five-sevenths of Franchouchou were waiting in Kotaro's van to leave for a gig. "Where are Sakura and Tae!?" Kotaro shouted.

"The last I saw, Sakura was tryin' ta do Tae's hair," Saki said.

Tae shambled up with her hair neatly styled in a pink-and-teal polka-dot ribbon. "That's Sakura's style," Ai noted.

And then, Sakura staggered up, her nerves completely shot after dealing with Tae— and her hair a tangled mess with dog-ears on both sides and one long lock in her face.

"HURRY UP, YOU DUMB-ASS ZOMBIE!!" Kotaro yelled.

Sakura bit him.

"And that's Tae's style," Saki added.


	2. Number Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Mar-2019; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[Relax. Nothing is under control](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3395746.html)" prompt.

Saki sat in her chair in the basement with a sigh, and then Tae sat with a sigh next to her.

"Is Tae [copying your every move](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ITQ_rtIz3M&t=7m7s) again?" an amused Ai asked.

"Yeah," Saki growled, "and it's REALLY freakin' annoying!!"

"Rrugh," Tae said, "rrugh ugh RRUGH-UGH rrugh-ugh ugh-rrugh-ugh!!"

"STOP THAT!!" Saki yelled in her Outdoor Voice.

"RRUGH RRUGH!!" Tae yelled almost as loudly.

"I have an idea." Sakura whispered in Saki's ear.

"Uh... PLEASE stop that?" Saki asked uncertainly.

Tae quietly sat in her chair. "Huh. It worked," Saki said.

"A good leader knows how to give orders," Sakura noted.


	3. Number Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Mar-2019; angst/general/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[We walk alone in the world. Friends, such as we desire, are dreams and fables](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3395746.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains minor adult themes. Reader discretion is advised.

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night. Ai couldn't sleep, but she was too proud to ask the other girls for comfort, and the other girls were afraid of hurting her pride... except one.

Ai had curled up into a fetal position in her futon, fighting back tears, when she felt Tae crawl into her futon, big-spoon her, and then snuggle with her. And when thunder struck again, Tae instinctively gave her a comforting hug, and Ai hardly flinched.

It was kind of weird when Tae began to sleep-chew on her, but Ai decided that she was OK with it.


	4. Number Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Mar-2019; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[Not failure, but low aim, is the crime. In great attempts it is glorious even to fail](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3395746.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence and routine dismemberment. Reader discretion is advised.

Sakura and Saki were relaxing at a window into the front yard when they saw Junko sprint toward the closed gate, and then jump over it, much as she had done [before the Saga Rock festival](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDmmJvCn2NE&t=33s).

"What's HER problem?" Saki said.

Tae scrambled toward the gate in pursuit of Junko. "Oh," Saki sighed. "It's her 'usual' problem."

And then, Tae ran INTO the gate and "shredded" herself. Sakura and Saki winced.

Sakura left for the gate. "I guess I'll go 'pick up the pieces'," she said.

"While yer doin' that," Saki said, "I'll get some paper clips and duct tape."


	5. Number Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Mar-2019; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[One step in the wrong direction will cause you a thousand years of regret](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3395746.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains Mutually Assured Slapstick Violence. Reader discretion is advised.

A playful Tae crept towards Yugiri like a mischievous kitten about to bite. But Tae froze when Yugiri raised her slappin' hand and also froze.

The rest of the girls nervously watched this stalemate. "It's like 'Mutually Assured Destruction' in miniature," a tensed-up Junko whispered.

"The suspense is KILLING me... AGAIN," Lily whimpered.

"Tae will lose interest soon," Sakura whispered, "unless there are any sudden movements or loud noises—"

And then, Kotaro barged into the room. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU LAZY—"

" **AAAAAAAAAAUGHHHH!!** " * _ **CHOMP**_ *!! " **AAAAAAAAIIIIEEEE!!** " * _ **SLAPP**_ *!! " **AAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!!** "

"...I'll come back later," Kotaro said weakly. "I see now that you're busy."


	6. Number Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Mar-2019; general/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[If today would be the last of your life, would you do what you are going to do today?](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3395746.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains minor adult themes. Reader discretion is advised.

Lily was snuggling with Sakura before bed-time. "You're so small," said Sakura. "Are you still OK with never growing up?"

"Yep!" Lily said cheerfully. "If I had to die, I'm glad that I died as a child-star, so that I could come back as a child-star."

And then, Tae shambled past them in her prison-striped pajamas and flat cap. Lily and Sakura watched her stumble past.

"If Tae- _chan_ also came back as who she was when she died," Lily said, "she must have died a violent criminal sociopath."

"Let's go with 'Her Legend Isn't About Anything' instead," Sakura suggested nervously.


	7. Based Zero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Mar-2019; humor; 100 words;
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[A’a i ka hula, waiho i ka maka’u i ka hale / Dare to dance, leave shame at home](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3395746.html)" prompt.

"Has anyone seen Tae lately?" Kotaro asked the rest of Franchouchou, all of whom were watching TV.

"Yes," Sakura said. "She's on the six-o'clock news now."

"Oh," Kotaro said. "WAIT, WHAT!?"

A reporter was interviewing a witness on the television. "[Pardon me, sir. Did you see what happened?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtzoUu7w-YM&t=26s)"

"IT'S A CHICKEN, I TELL YOU!!" the interviewee screamed as he ran away. "[IT'S A GIANT CHICKEN!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45bUOIK2cAo)"

And then, the camera panned across the street to reveal Tae proudly strutting in a Drive-In Tori onesie. "RUGH-UGH-RUGH-UGH-RRRRRRRRUUUUUUGH!!" she crowed.

"[NICE BIRD](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdFU8E316dc&t=19s)," said Sakura, Saki, Ai, Junko, Yugiri, Lily, and Kotaro in perfect unison.


	8. Deathless Mess Miss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Mar-2019; horror/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[No Keia La, No Keia Po, A Mau Loa / From this day, from this night, forever more](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3395746.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [that one Touhou doujin](https://dynasty-scans.com/series/the_immortal_who_saw_the_death_of_the_universe).
> 
> This contains Immortality Sucks. Reader discretion is advised.

Lily found Sakura _doyansu_ -ing. "What's wrong?" Lily asked.

"As zombies, we're pretty much invulnerable, right?" Sakura said. "I mean, we've been hit by trucks, struck by lightning, and repeatedly decapitated. And we also don't age."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Lily asked.

"What if we CAN'T die?" Sakura asked. "What if we just keep going FOREVER?"

"Well," Lily thought out loud, "after the sun explodes and destroys the earth, we'll drift helplessly in the vacuum of deep space until the end of time... unless we fall into a black hole or something."

"That's not reassuring at ALL," Sakura said tearfully.


	9. Autographic Violence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-Apr-2019; horror?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[just put the fear back in their eyes](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3404284.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence and self-deprecating humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Three Franchouchou fan-boys had gone to a meet-and-greet. Two of them were comparing autographed pictures.

"I got a personalized autograph from Number One," the first fan-boy said. "She was so sweet."

"And I got an autograph from Number Two," the second fan-boy said. "She was tough but nice."

Their other friend ran away screaming, covered in finger-prints and bite-marks, with Tae in close pursuit of him.

"Dude's gotta be a special kind of weird to be a Number ZERO fan-boy," the first fan-boy said.

"Some people even write fan-fiction about her," the second said.

"That's SERIOUSLY weird," the first said.


	10. Guys Want Only One Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-May-2019; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[Seek my heart no longer; the beasts have eaten it](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3414572.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Guys Literally Only Want One Thing](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/guys-literally-only-want-one-thing-and-its-fucking-disgusting)."
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Did you notice those boys down in front?" Ai asked the other girls after a performance. "They were staring at me and Junko."

"You're our best dancer," Sakura said, "an' Junko's our best singer."

" _ara ara_ ~" Yugiri said. "I fear that they were admiring other 'things'."

"Sometimes I wish I hadn't become an idol," the demure Junko said shyly.

"Maybe they were thinking something else," the ever-optimistic Sakura said.

—

"Did you see when 'Three' an' 'Four' smiled at each other?" one boy squee'd.

"They're just SO CUTE together!!" another boy squee'd.

"I ship them SO MUCH!!" a third boy squee'd.


	11. Take Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 17-May-2019; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[Melancholy waltz and languid vertigo](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3414572.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Take Five](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wt26ExACp8)" by Dave Brubeck Quartet.
> 
> This contains contrived slapstick violence and cheesy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Tae was "dancing" while the other girls practised their choreography.

"Look at how Tae sways in irregular time," Sakura said. "ONE-two-three FOUR-five ONE-two-three FOUR-five..."

"We oughta try that," Saki suggested.

"It could be interesting," Ai agreed. "Sakura with Saki, Lily with Yugiri, and Junko with me. On, um, five?"

They danced for one measure— and four of them cracked skulls together. "ONE-two-three FOUR— OUCH!!"

—

"How did you and Yugiri avoid hurting yourselves?" Sakura asked Lily while holding her own poor head.

Lily gestured at child-star standing height— at Yugiri's chest.

"Ah," Sakura said. "Safety cushion."

" _ara ara~_ " Yugiri said predictably.


	12. Napoleon Simple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Jun-2019; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[nice & short](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3426369.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains a pending slap-down. Reader discretion is advised.

Sakura found Saki playing keep-away with Lily. "You shouldn't tease Shrimpy— I mean, Lily— like that," Sakura said. "You're the second-shortest girl in Franchouchou, after all."

"I'm also the leader," Saki said smugly. "If ya don't like how I'm leadin', then—"

She felt a hand on her head, slowly turned, and found the much taller Yugiri smiling a dangerous smile. "We need to talk about about 'consent of the ruled'," Yugiri said sweetly, "with an emphasis on CONSENT."

Realizing that Yugiri had a hand free for slappin' purposes, Saki released Lily and smiled a painfully fake smile back at Yugiri.


	13. Not Facing It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Jun-2019; horror?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[without the face paint](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3426369.html)" prompt.

Sakura awoke to find Tae crouching over her and sniffing her face like a curious kitten.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" said a startled Sakura, waking up the rest of the girls.

"Ain't ya used ta bein' 'round zombies by now?" Saki grumbled. "An' 'sides, yer a zombie yerself."

Sakura turned, caught sight of her own face in a conveniently-placed wall mirror, and screamed again. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"

And then, an irate Kotaro barged into the room. "WHAT'S ALL THE SHOUTING ABOUT!?" he shouted.

Sakura took one look at her terrifying manager and screamed a third time. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"

"THAT scream was entirely understandable," Lily said sympathetically.


	14. Shake It Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Jul-2019; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[A serpentine dance](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3435492.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Shake It Off](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfWlot6h_JM)" by Taylor Swift.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Tae can't perform this dance routine that you've written," Ai and the girls said to Kotaro. "It's... well, it's too sexy."

"What's the problem?" Kotaro asked. "She's old enough to perform a provocative routine, and she's not exactly shy."

"I'm not saying that she SHOULDN'T," Ai said impatiently as she gestured to Tae. "I'm saying that she CAN'T."

"Is it too difficult for her?" Kotaro asked.

As if on cue, the semi-feral Tae painlessly pulled off one arm, and then used it to scratch her back.

"If Tae tries to 'shake it off'," Ai said, "she'll literally SHAKE IT OFF."


	15. Taste The Rainbow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Aug-2019; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[Sweet painted lady](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3444859.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Kotaro carried seven buckets of paint into the rehearsal studio. "Are we redecorating?" Junko asked.

"Since there are seven of you, and since you need full-body makeup," Kotaro explained, "we're going to do a rainbow-themed body-paint routine."

"Whadya mean 'WE'?" Saki grumbled. "Anyway, it sounds cheesy ta ME."

"As Number Two," Sakura asked playfully, "ORANGE you happy?"

"Actually," Saki growled, "I'm seein' RED."

"You won't be able to paint Tae violet," Ai said to Kotaro.

"Why?" Kotaro asked. "Does she dislike the color purple?"

"To the contrary," Ai said. "She's drinking the purple paint."

"TAE!!" Kotaro yelled.

"* _burp_ *" Tae replied.


	16. Shipped Separately

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Aug-2019; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[Just good friends](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3444859.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence and routine dismemberment. Reader discretion is advised.

Sakura and Lily were chatting after a meet-and-greet.

"In a way, I feel sorry for Tae- _chan_ ," Lily said.

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked.

"Our fans usually pair— or ship— you with Saki, me with Yugiri, and Ai with Junko," said Lily. "That leaves Tae as the odd girl out— literally."

As if on cue, they heard a crashing noise— and then, Tae's disembodied head landed in Sakura's lap and Lily clumsily caught one of her legs.

"Tae belongs to ALL of us," Sakura noted. "And she's happy to share herself— literally."

"Rrugh," Tae's head agreed as it received head-pats.


	17. Instrumentality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-Sep-2019; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[Groups are out. Four-piece groups with guitars, particularly, are finished](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3452624.html)" prompt.

The girls were visiting a music store. As Junko timidly plinked on a keyboard and Saki eagerly bashed on a drum set, Ai and Sakura strummed floor-model guitars.

"I wonder if this store has traditional instruments," Sakura thought out loud, "that would complement Yugiri's _shamisen_."

As if on cue, Tae wandered past them while tunelessly honking on a set of bagpipes.

"That's a traditional instrument," Ai noted, "but it doesn't complement a _shamisen_."

"Why would a JAPANESE music store have BAGPIPES!?" Sakura cried.

"And more importantly," Ai said, "how do we take them away from Tae as quickly as possible?"


	18. Out Of Schooled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 12-Oct-2019; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[deepening autumn melancholy weighs on everyone equally](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3462700.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Why are all of you so mopey?" Kotaro asked the girls.

"Summer is over," Sakura said, "and girls our original ages are going back to school."

"I was a delinquent," Saki said, "but I miss cuttin' from school."

"I miss taking lessons as well," Yugiri said sympathetically.

"Well, what about Tae?" Kotaro asked. "She's no schoolgirl."

"Tae is sad because the rest of us are sad," Lily said sadly.

"In that case," Kotaro said, "let's have all of you dress up as schoolgirls and rehearse in character."

"Coming from YOU," Ai said, "that idea is both thoughtful and REALLY creepy."


End file.
